Revy vs Crickets
by jm1681
Summary: Revy has a cricket in her room and it's keeping her awake. Clearly, there is only one thing she can do; take up her Cutlass. One-shot, Revy/Rock. Please review


_So I killed a cricket last week. I really didn't mean to. I was out in the shop, had a shop vac in my hand, saw this massive cricket and was like "AHH!!!" I freaked out and tagged it with the vacuum. One of my co-workers would proceed to tell me that killing a cricket is bad luck; wonderful. Then the next day, over the noise of milling machines directly behind my head I heard another cricket chirping incessantly, all day. So of course I figured, "Great, I've killed this_ _cricket's mate and now he's calling her."_

_I felt absolutely awful._

_So yesterday around noon (don't ask me why or how), I had the mental image of a sleep deprived Revy...in her underwear...trying to kill a cricket...with a 9mm._

_So without further ado, I do not own Black Lagoon, any of its characters, or any crickets though a single cricket was harmed in the making of this fic._

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**Revy vs. Crickets**

Revy lie peacefully asleep in the bed of her hotel room. A half-empty bottle of Bacardi at her side, and Cutlass still in hand. Garbed as usual during the night, she wore her cut-off tank top and a pair of underwear so insufficient it might as well not even be present. She sighed as she rolled from one side of the bed to the other. One might even assume this was a quality round of sleep for the young gunslinger. Her eyes were only lightly closed and her expression at ease.

Then it happened.

The indescribable chirp of a cricket broke the silence in her room. Her eyes immediately shattered open like broken panes and she quickly sat up. She remained motionless as she carefully scanned the room, and listened to the incessant chirping.

"Fuck." She muttered quietly of her situation.

The cricket continued to chirp bringing her to rack the Cutlass she had fallen asleep with. She carefully stood from the bed, her bare feet tip-to'ing around the room as to not disturb or alarm the insect.

Clicking on the lamp on her nightstand brought the chirping to a halt.

"Ah…" She sighed in relief only for the chirping to begin again, "Motherfucker!"

She retrieved a flashlight from the nightstand and got to her hands and knees to search under the bed and table. As she checked below the bed, she spotted the nuisance. Her lips cracked open revealing clenched teeth through her smile as she took aim at the insect with her cutlass.

BAM! BAM! BAM!

The shrouded barrel of her cutlass smoked as she chuckled, "Haha! Gotcha ya little…"

The sound of the cricket's chirp interrupted her victory speech, though she did finish her thought with a whine, "…fuck."

-

The next morning Rock ascended the stairs leading to Revy's room. Dutch had sent him to wake up Revy at least twice a week for the past year. While during the first few trips up those stairs he was a bit apprehensive about being the one to wake her, the two had been developing a good rapport and he was now nonchalant as he strolled up to the door.

He knocked twice and said aloud, "It's me Revy."

He leaned up against the wall in the hallway with his arms folded for a moment only to receive no response from her.

He knocked again, "Revy?"

Suddenly, a series of gunshots broke the silence as well as the door. He quickly ducked and rolled out of the way.

"Revy are you alright in there?!" Again, silence. Rock began to feel incredible fear for her life as he again called out, "Talk to me Revy! Are you okay?!"

He wasn't a tough guy by any means but if she were in trouble, he might be her only hope. He tightly clenched his fists and barreled through the door prepared to do battle with the devil himself.

To his surprise, he found Revy standing in the center of the room, a smoking Cutlass in each hand, and night attire still present. Her eyes were only half-open lending to the inexplicably angry expression on her face; the look of raw determination to end a life.

He absorbed the half-naked sight of her for a moment and quickly turned away out of respect as he asked, "What the hell are you doing?"

Then he heard it; the sound that had kept her up all night.

"This is a bad fuckin' time Rock." She replied.

He quickly pieced together the situation; the dark circles under her eyes, her night "clothes", the smoking guns in her hands and the endless chirping of a cricket.

"Are you trying to kill a cricket with your Cutlass?" Rock asked quietly.

"There a fuckin' problem with that?" She barked back.

"Haven't you ever heard that…" Just as he was about to explain the value of a cricket, the rather large insect presented itself on the floor between them.

"CRICKET!!!" She shouted in a menacing wail before unleashing a barrage of gunfire.

The insect scurried in Rock's direction which unfortunately for him didn't slow the gunshots in the least. He jumped back through the open door and into the hall just in time for her to put multiple bullets exactly where he was standing.

A few moments later Rock screamed from the hall, "Jesus fucking Christ Revy! Have you lost the little bit of your mind you had left?!"

As the smoke cleared she again saw the apparently invincible cricket scurry back across the floor. With both slides locked back, she made her last ditch effort.

A loud thud emanated from the room followed by more of Revy's colorful vocabulary, albeit in a slightly calmer tone, "Ah fuck!"

Rock turned around the door jam to find Revy lifting her bare foot from the mess she had made of the insect.

She fell back onto her bed in a seated position and brought her foot to her lap. She picked one of the cricket's still twitching legs off of her foot and wiped the rest of its remains off with a t-shirt.

He took a seat beside her on the bed and she asked, "What the fuck were you saying?"

"To find a cricket on the hearth is the luckiest thing of all." Rock replied.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Revy asked as she lit a cigarette.

"It means having a cricket in your home is good luck."

"Ha!" Revy scoffed as she stood from the bed.

She reloaded and chambered her Cutlass as she finished her thought with the cigarette hanging from her lips, "The asshole who said that never had one of those fuckin' things keep him up all fuckin' night."

"You could have just taken it outside you know. You didn't have to kill it." Rock replied somberly as he observed Revy slipping her shorts on.

Revy's already miniscule level of patience was worn to nothing this morning. She grabbed Rock by his collar and proceeded to scream in his face, "Listen dipshit, I got one fucking hour of sleep last night because of that fuckin' thing. I'm tired, I'm cranky and I swear to fucking Christ I'll put a bullet in your dumb-ass if you don't shut the fuck up about the goddamned cricket!"

"What if it was another cricket's mate?" Rock asked.

"AGH!!!!" Revy roared before firing several warning shots at the ceiling.

-

Night fell on Roanapur and after a late round of drinks at Bao's, Revy once again retreated to her hotel room for the night. She undid her belt allowing her shorts to fall to the floor and retrieved one of her Cutlass before removing her holsters.

She lay down on her bed and stretched letting out a long yawn. She rolled onto her side and the hand holding her Cutlass slipped beneath her pillow. Her eyes closed slowly and within seconds, she was asleep.

*

_Revy walked through an endless field of overgrown grass with a single gravestone in the distance. Neither her holsters __nor her Cutlass were anywhere to be found as she proceeded through this windy night towards the stone. As she came __upon the stone, she found its face to be blank. She looked all around her in search of something, anything that might __explain her circumstances when the quiet and intermittent chirp of a cricket broke through the wail of the wind._

_Another large cricket rested on the stone and stared directly at her. A sudden and massive clap of lightning didn't __detract from their stare-off._

*

Revy's eyes once again shattered open as the chirp of a cricket woke her from her dream.

"I'm gonna fucking kill you when I find you, you fuckin' little shit!" She growled through her teeth.

Not willing to spend another night without sleep, she flipped the lights on and tossed the room like a lunatic to find the insect.

Throughout the destruction of her room the cricket continued to chirp, almost mocking her contempt for it. With her mattress now on the opposite end of the room she finally found the insect in the corner, just beside the first bullet hole from the night before.

Again her lips cracked into a smile of grinding teeth. She slowly advanced on the cricket and again got down on her hands and knees. She crawled over to it and within inches of the insect, she held her Cutlass a half-an-inch away from the annoying little creature.

"Now you're fucked you little…"

As she stared it down, for whatever reason, she thought of Rock, _"What if it was another cricket's mate?"_

"Goddammit Rock..." Her head fell as she spoke, "...I can't believe I'm fuckin' doing this."

She placed her Cutlass on the floor and extended her hand to the little insect, "C'mon you fuckin' little shit."

The cricket crawled into the palm of her hand and with care and delicacy unheard of for the gunslinger; she closed her palm around the cricket. She slipped her shorts on with one hand and proceeded down the stairs and out the front door of her building.

She knelt on the curb, placed her hand knuckles-down on the sidewalk and opened her palm. The cricket quickly scurried away from her and a long forgotten feeling of happiness came over her. She smiled ever so slightly and made her way back upstairs. She again slipped off her shorts as she walked over to retrieve her Cutlass from the floor. Exerting as little energy as possible she pulled her mattress from the upright position she had thrown it in onto the floor. She fell back onto the bed leaving her arms and legs as they fell and was once again off to sleep.

-

The next morning Rock again ascended the stairs leading to Revy's room. Considering the events of yesterday's morning, he wasn't looking forward to her greeting.

He knocked at the door and asked, "Revy, are you in there?"

Again she failed to answer him and he quietly tried the doorknob. The door slipped open with a minor creak revealing the mess she had made of her room during the night; the pièce de résistance being one half-naked Revy sprawled out face-first on her mattress.

"How is it even possible for one little girl to do this much damage?" Rock asked quietly as he made his way over to her.

He gave her shoulder a slight shake, "Revy?"

She groaned and curled up onto her side away from Rock.

"C'mon Revy wake up, Dutch needs us down at the docks." Rock insisted.

She rolled onto her back and rubbed her hands into her eyes as she yawned, "Ah…fuck…"

-

Several days passed before the Lagoon company returned to Roanapur. Once again, Revy retreated to her room for a well deserved night of rest after several hectic days at sea. She had almost forgotten the mess she had left her room in.

"Fuckin' hell." She commented of the mess.

She pushed over the bed frame and moved the desk revealing the door to the bathroom. After a brief shower, she slipped into her typical night attire and fell back onto her bed anxiously awaiting the sandman. She rolled onto her side to get comfortable and her eyes flickered in and out of focus.

Squinting in the general direction she had found the second cricket, she would find what could only be described as a swarm of infant crickets.

"You've gotta be fucking kidding me?!" Revy remarked.

-

A knock at his door woke Rock from his sleep. He turned to face his alarm clock, the time; "3:22".

"Rock?!" Revy shouted from the hall, "Open the fuckin' door Rock!"

He clumsily made his way to the door and unbolted it. Soon as the latch was undone, Revy barreled past him and quickly slipped her shorts off.

_Now_ he was awake, "Revy?! What are you doing?"

"Bad news, those fuckin' crickets nested at my place. There're fuckin' hundreds of'em in my room so I'm gonna crash here for a few nights."

She leaned over the bed with one knee mounting the mattress and asked, "Is it a problem?"

Never more clearly enamored with her than at that moment, he replied simply, "No."

She climbed onto the twin-sized bed and replied, "Good."

Rock joined her in the bed lying with their backs to one-another, "Night Revy."

"Night Rock." She replied.

A shuffle here, a squirm there, and before long an outburst, "Fuckin' hell!"

Rock casually raised his arm above her head and their eyes met. She knew what he was asking of her and she replied, "Why not."

He slipped his arm beneath her neck bringing her closer to him while she draped her arm across his chest and her leg across his. Rock curled his fingers and very slowly and _very_ carefully tried his luck by placing them on Revy's arm; now he was holding her. For a few tense moments they remained in an awkward and motionless silence.

"I let the other one go." Revy stated breaking the silence.

"What?" Rock asked.

"I found another one the next night, that's why my room was fucked up that morning. I was ready to kill that one too, then I thought about what you said; that they might have been mates."

"That doesn't sound like you at all."

"Much as I wanted to, I couldn't kill the fuckin' thing."

"What'd you do?"

"I took it down to the street and let it go." She replied, almost ashamed of her good deed.

"Revy…" Rock began with a brighter tone only for her to cut him off with a kiss.

She withdrew her lips from his and proceeded to get comfortable in his arms once again, "We're done talking Rock."

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_And that's that. Short, to the point, hopefully not too OoC :)_


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